One year ago, I posted a blog on the fall equinox. I had been living in Kingston for just under two months and was in the middle of another b-i-g transition.
I wrote on September 23, 2012: “Now, I need to allow a new vision, energy and intention to unfold and fill me up. A new plan. This is a work in progress. I know it will become clearer in time despite not knowing what this looks like in the present.”
I am now living this new vision and plan. It has become clearer in time, indeed. I most certainly would’ve never picture this. This true gift of time to focus on my career and education. Exclusively. Here. Ottawa. PhD. Canada. Social Work. Teaching. Learning. Growing. Loving. Exploring. Happy. I am happy! (That’s the best part about it.)
This happiness has snuck in through a side door. It has been work, don’t get me wrong, but it has arrived in ways I never thought to look for. Through random moments of kindness, through miraculous paths crossing, through serendipitous timing, through the acceptance of opportunities at the expense of others and by simply moving forward. These aren’t always intentional actions, they often happen without anyone noticing. And poof! Happiness arrives to knock you off your feet.
I’ve also spent the last year and a half thinking all love (or even like) ever does is break and end. I’ve been cautiously hopeful, yes, but fiercely doubtful that it could exist and manifest in a way I’ve watched it unfold before. That door was closed. Alas, I’m witnessing it begin again. With someone I never saw coming. And it feels just as good, if not better, than I remember.
Ladies (and gentlemen), just keep going. There is a reward at the end of struggle. I now know this to be true. And this search for meaning, depth and hope is what makes us beautiful.