Motherhood

Another Mother’s Day has come and gone and I’m still not yet a mother at 34 years old. This year it didn’t hurt so much. I then got to thinking about why that might be. I came up with a few theories.

1. I’m single. Now this may sound strange. One would think that this status might be more devastating to my overall mindset. However, I’ve decided it feels worse to be with someone who isn’t ready to commit than be single and full of hope for what the future might bring. Being alone in a relationship is more detrimental than being alone. Period.

2. I’m confident. I feel the most clear about my position in the world than I have in a long time. If ever. I’m more certain about the path that lies ahead and what I’m working towards contributing and achieving. It all feels right. I think I was floundering for a while, basing larger decisions on relationships and not on my own visions.

3. I’m in touch with myself. I hear my own voice. I sense when an unhelpful pattern is reoccurring and try to break it. I feel my heart. I am aware of my movements. I can lay on the grass and let the world fall away. I am here and that’s enough.

4. I’m a believer. There’s no more fighting against what is. I believe that everything I want in life will transpire as it should. No one else’s timeframe is important. I can only worry about mine.

5. I’m in love. A universe full of love is already inside of me and remains untapped. If I let it out, everyone benefits. Children aside, I can love whomever and whatever because I feel a deep love within. A good heart is your greatest worth. I went on a long bicycle ride two days ago and was overwhelmed with gratitude. The wind in my hair, the sun on my face and the simple peace of the river flowing beside me was enough to bring me to tears of pure joy.

Rumi Universe

3 thoughts on “Motherhood

  1. Oh boy, well i will be thirty in less than two weeks and my be-married-by-twentysix-first-kid-at-thirty theory that i once held is out the window!! However I too am filled with gratitude I have settled into my lil apartment by the beach in Australia and hey can’t be mad about that! Although the pangs of motherhood did pull at me today when seeing toddlers play on the beach during my morning walk. Ahh the struggle for balance lol

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